Is What You Want ... Really What You Need?

Not being entirely sure in which direction this is going, I will instead forge ahead in an effort to quiet the endless words swirling in my head.

I just returned from dropping off the kids at daycare for the day - there is only so much that can be accomplished with two munchkins bouncing off the walls. And after delivering them into the loving hands of their caregivers, I decided to swing by the store to grab a few things I needed. On my way, I was sidetracked by the big "50% Off ....Sale...." sign at the Salvation Army.

I love that store! I think it speaks to the dumpster-diving side of me

Anyway, the store was filled to overflowing with hundreds of people all there to take advantage of the sale. Low priced merchandise is shinier than new when it’s 50% off.

I found two antique matchbox tins at an amazing price.
One for myself, the other to be a Christmas gift.

Wandering further, my attention was drawn to an antique steamer trunk in exceptional condition. Late 1800’s. Covered in stickers from the ships upon which it’d sailed. Drawers lined in vintage canvas. Brass bindings and corner brackets. Leather strapping still in good condition. Wood hangers hung from brass bars in the top of the trunk; the bottom was divided into drawers and compartments to hold everything from hair pins to hats. A section of the trunk even pulled out and turned into a padded seat. 

Absolutely beautiful.

Priced to sell at discount for only $50.

I wanted that trunk with every ounce of my being.

As I was admiring the craftsmanship and its condition, an older woman came up to me and complimented it as well. Seems she collects antique steamer trunks. She said this one was in the best condition she’s seen for its age and at an incredible bargain to boot!

Her next comments were a little more profound.

“Can you imagine what it would have been like to place everything you needed to have inside of this trunk, to travel to a foreign land? A hundred years ago or more, people packed everything they could into a trunk such as this to come to a new country, to start a new life.”

Everything they needed.
A few things they may have wanted, if they would fit.
An entire life packed into a 4’x3’ steamer trunk.

And at that precise moment, I turned and looked around the store filled with people walking that fine line between Need and Want. Justifying their Wants because of a simple sale.

For a good 20 minutes, I walked around that store looking at the people shopping, listening to their conversations [Salvation Army Stalking], and thinking about all the things that I have that have been purchased out of Want and not so much out of Need.

And I put the antique matchboxes back where I found them.

Because while I wanted that trunk more than I want Universal Healthcare, I needed that trunk to remind me of what is important.

Everywhere you look, people fill their heads and their homes and their hands with things they do not Need.  I am no different than the millions of other people around the world who purchase to fill a Want because it screams louder than a Need.  We get coerced by the bright lights and the discount prices because ‘tomorrow it may be gone!’ Cheerful music playing in the background soothes the voices in our heads that tell us we really don’t need another one of those for the house.

It’s sad, really.

And merchants sing to the voice of Want.  Capitalism at its finest.

I am one of those merchants.  My nights and weekends are filled with creating things that people Want; that children Want.  I present the fruits of my labors to the loudest voices of all:  children’s voices.

I do what I do because I do not want to continue working for a company that is more concerned with how the world is doing than with how its own country is doing.  I want to give back to the Land of Opportunity.  And it is only through the growth of my own business that I will be able to bring jobs back to my homeland instead of shipping them overseas.

It’s a long journey; one that began with a small step many years ago.  It is a journey that will continue to the end of my days, because each day that passes is a forward step in a positive direction.  Each day presents the opportunity to give back in some small way.

So, as I prepare for one of the largest shopping extravaganzas in the ..Pacific Northwest.., I am also setting aside a few things for those children whose voices are not so loud; whose voices cannot be heard above the cacophony of Christmas overindulgence.

This year, as with previous years, I’m giving back.

  

As for the trunk, I may go back and get it as a reminder, but for now I have a job to attend to: filling the Wants and Needs of others.

1,000 Fan - $50 Gift Certificate Giveaway!

Okay ... so the thing is ... we love our customers and we'd like to have a few more Fans.  It's that warm, fuzzy feeling we get when everyone loves us!  The business has been steadily growing and we're doing new things, exploring into uncharted waters, every single day.  And we are looking to reward one Lucky Fan!

So, here's the deal:  to celebrate an incredible year, we're giving away a $50 gift certificate to Second Star Designs when we reach 1,000 Fans.  With the holidays right around the corner, we're pretty sure that a "little something" for yourself, after all the festivities have subsided, would round out the holidays quite nicely!

What's the catch?  Share our Fan page with as many of your friends as you can.  Enter as often as you like, using the link to our little Rafflecopter Widget ... we've given you a number of opportunities to enter.  On New Year's Eve, we'll enter all of the names into the coolness that is Random.org.  One lucky Fan will receive a $50 gift certificate to be used for the purchase of anything in our store.

Just follow the link below ... you have until 12/31/2012 to get all your entries in  =)

Good luck!

$50 Online Gift Certificate Giveaway!

Announcing our New Bath & Body Product Line

raison éthique™ by Second Star Designs - is our newest bath and body product line featuring ethically made, hand-crafted, organic, biologically friendly products.  Our mission behind this new line of products is to operate in an ecologically and biologically friendly manner, using organic materials and ingredients where ever possible, and supporting small, sustainable, like-minded businesses that are local to somewhere.

Love Warms the Heart

This time of year, the air can have quite the chill. Last week, I picked up a handful of pairs of $1 gloves from Target. Yesterday, there was a man standing in the pouring rain at the freeway offramp, asking for help. I didn't have any cash on me ... but he appreciated the warm gloves as much as if I'd handed him a handful of bills.

On our walk this morning, we went past a group of people packing up their belongings in the Park. Of the three, one man's hands were visibly cold and his need for warmth drew me across the grounds like a moth to a flame. Another pair of gloves found their way to someone in need.

Small acts of love can change the world around you into the world you wish to see ♥

Beauty Berries & Birch Trees

You could say that I've been on vacation this past month ... not really ... but it sure could be considered something like that.

Time has flown since the last post ... lots of time.  Time that was necessary to heal a few things from my psyche.  Oh ... and we've been a bit busy.

We began our morning walks again ... not as frequently as last year ... but morning walks none-the-less.

Fall is amazing in town ... the leaves are changing, the Beauty Berries in bloom, and every now and then, you stumble across a peeling Birch Tree.

Fred has some new friends.  After a few weeks' getting to know the place, they've become part of the family.  Quite the talkers they are ... gigglers, too.  They've recently discovered how to get out of the garden and chuckle between themselves when they get caught ... literally.

No eggs from them yet, but it's winter and eggs will come soon enough.

With Christmas just around the corner, we're finding ourselves a bit short on cash, yet abundant in the realm of imagination and resources.  For all intents and purposes, it looks like it will truly be a hand-crafted Christmas.
And with less than a month to go, it's looking like I'd better get started  =)

In the meantime, with 2013 just a few short months away, we've started on our Spring/Summer 2014 clothing lines for the runway.  Lots of organic fabrics in loose-fitting designs.  And with the recent opening of opportunistic doors, there's more potentials for 2013 than ever before imagined.

In addition to children's clothing, we're expanding our line to include grown-ups ... an avenue that is becoming quite the adventure.

For now ... that's about all there is going on in our little corner of the world.  There have been trials and tribulations, challenges and clearings this past month.  And I expect there to be more before the year is out.  Hopefully, those on the horizon will be a bit easier to navigate than the ones up until now have been.

Cheers!

Lucy & Pepper

My husband wrote this tonight ... I've been an emotional wreck ...

so, tonight I had a few moments of almost return .. of the turning back of the clock and down of the vibration.. it was a difficult while.

I didn't get out and close up the ducks early enough, at about 8, I went out to put them to bed for the night, safe and sound in their duck house.. Fred was the only one I could find.. the two hens seemed to be missing.. it's a big garden and there's still a lot growing out there, and brown ducks can hide pretty good, but not that good, and I'd run a raccoon out of the far end..

He went up a tree just across the wall between us and the convalescent center next door.. Caryn came out to help me look and a neighbor walking by said, "ten minutes ago, there were two by the fence here".. then as he walked on, he stopped by the pond and said "hey! there's two raccoons here"..and then "I think they have one of your ducks"

they did.. Lucy and as they ran she flopped trying to get away. I grabbed her and held her close, and we looked for Pepper.. Caryn found a bad sign, feathers by the back wall where I'd seen the first big coon.. she asked how Lucy was and I said "not so good, she's bleeding quite a bit" and she left to get a blanket to wrap her in.. while she was gone, I found Pepper. She was hanging on the fence where the raccoon had either left or lost her in it's haste to get away from the approaching human. Pepper was not with us any longer.

I met Caryn by the gate and we took Lucy into the shop to clean her up.. she was a mess, her neck completely torn up and several bites in her back and sides.. we gently cleaned her and put salve on her wounds, and then wrapped her in a light blanket for the night. Twenty minutes later when I went to check on her, she was gone too.

We both cried, and then wept a bit, and then .. I didn't go out and kill every raccoon in a three mile radius, but for a minute, I thought about it. I didn't even curse these three. We lost two members of our family tonight.

Pepper and Lucy were our friends. They and Fred live in our garden and eat bugs, and duck food. They lay eggs and we feed them, and pet them, and they keep the garden for us.. we'll miss them..

I really am ready for a time when everything on this planet doesn't have to kill each other.

Eco-Partnership with French Quarter Linens

Saturdays are always good days in which to receive news ... especially news that is exciting in nature.

But this story goes back to its origins on Thursday.

See ... I found myself wandering into this incredibly amazing shop in the Pearl District of Portland.

An exquisitely lovely bedding and bath shop called French Quarter Linens.

I wandered in with the intention of talking to them about certified organic cotton sheets.
'Cuz there's this company that I work with that creates some incredible fabrics that would be to.die.for as a set of sheets ... and ... I know a seamstress.  Personally.

Never even got to mention the subject ... I was sidetracked by the incredible tranquility, the soft music, the vibrant colors, and the luxurious textiles found at every glance ... in every nook and cranny of that glorious store!

I was swept away to Wonderland ... 

And then ... I saw the display cabinets filled with sample fabrics ... swatches of every imaginable textile any one could wish to have created into one form of amazingness or another, for the personal spaces within their homes.  The Creativity Muse made her appearance ... gave me the proverbial push toward the sales counter.

So ... I wandered up to the counter and had the opportunity to speak with a member of their Sales & Design Team.  I asked him what their store did with their textile samples once they were discontinued.

His answer met my surprise head on:  they threw them away.

!!!

In our subsequent conversation, I explained that I am a clothing designer, creating two clothing lines for next year's Baltimore FashionWeek.  Eco-friendly clothing lines.  He explained that his store was very eco-oriented; doing whatever they were able to reduce their overall ecological impact on the environment.

I offered to take their discontinued fabric samples to be used in my clothing creations ... in exchange for advertising that they will be a primary sponsor for Second Star Designs.

An Eco-Partnership.

In today's email, was a response that French Quarter Linens would love to work with us on this project!!!

Yay!!!

We're very excited ... we're helping to change the world ... one pretty, textile at a time  =)

My name is Caryn ... and I've been a Facebook User since 2008.

With the most recent changes implemented by Facebook this past week, I was disheartened to discover that the posts that I have been making on both my personal and business pages are no longer being shown to my total audience.

With over 300 followers on my Second Star Designs Fan Page, instead of each post being shown to 150 or more people ... now, only 20-30 people are seeing my posts.

And the automatic Twitter feed linking my FB Fan Page to my Twitter account has been deactivated.

In order for my potential customers to see anything that is posted on my Fan Page, Facebook now requires you to promote your post ... for a fee.

$7.00 per promotion.

Or ... you could pay for advertising ... a minimum of $1/day for pageviews.

Since Facebook went public, it was only a matter of time before they did away with the small business social media promotions ... requiring all businesses to pay for advertising on an otherwise "free" platform.

Times are a-changing.

And in a similar manner as the migration of MySpace users to the "new" social media platform known then as Facebook ... it's time to once again migrate to a new platform.

Diaspora.

It's Facebook + Twitter + MySpace ... without the game feeds.

I'm there.

Check it out ... www.diasp.org ... the future of social media  =)

Thoughts for Today ...

Here, at Second Star Designs, fashion is equally as important to us as the health of our people and our planet. We work hard to integrate our personal beliefs into our company's mission - when it's time to leave, make sure that what you leave behind is better than what you originally found. To that end, our 2013 children's and adult clothing lines will be hand-crafted using only refashioned or certified organic materials.

We have partnered with some amazing artisans to help bring our ideas to life. Harmony Art Organic Design is our primary sponsor of the certified organic cotton fabrics to be used in our Eco Art Wear Collection for Adults. Returning for 2013 will be Riley Blake Designs, providing us with the organic materials to be used in our B.F.F. [Biologically Friendly Forever] Clothing for Kids. We are proud to have these two textile manufacturers as an integral part of the Second Star family.


Because fashion is not just about clothing, we have also aligned ourselves with two accessories artisans whose outlook upon the world match that of Second Star. Joleen Taylor and Karen Davis Smith will be accessorizing both of our ecologically friendly clothing lines with their own interpretations of jewelry design, using only natural materials in their astonishing creations.


Being ecologically friendly is not simply a catch phrase or a passing fad, it's a fashion initiative trending its way into the hearts of our planet's people and way of life ... an initiative of which Second Star is proud to be a part.

Look for our designs gracing the runways of Baltimore in 2013!

500 Fan Drawing

Okay ... so the thing is ... we'd like to have a few more Fans.  It's that warm, fuzzy feeling we get when everyone loves us!  The business has been steadily growing and we're doing new things, exploring into uncharted waters, every single day.  And we are looking to reward one Lucky Fan!

So, here's the deal:  to kick off our Fall/Winter Season and celebrate our new online store, we're giving away a $50 gift certificate when we reach 500 Fans.  With the holidays right around the corner, we're pretty sure that an extra $50 in your pocket will go quite a ways toward your holiday gift list!

What's the catch?  Share our page with as many of your friends as you can.  When we reach 500 Likes, we'll enter all of the names and posted email addresses into the coolness that is Random.org.  Enter as often as you like, according to the guidelines below. One lucky Fan will receive a $50 gift certificate to be used for the purchase of anything in our store.

The "share" button's right over there ...

Good luck!

To enter the giveaway, just leave a comment below. To receive extra entries, you can do any of the following:

• tweet out the link to this post, 
• share our store on Twitter,
• share a product from our store on Twitter
• become a Fan of Second Star Designs
• share our store on Facebook,
• share a product from our store on your Facebook page 
• share the link to this post on Facebook,
• pin an item from our store on Pinterest
• make a purchase in our store - 1 entry for every $10 spent

... then come back here and leave a comment telling us where we can see what it is that you did. Entries will be accepted until 11:59 p.m. PDT on Thursday, December 20th, and the winner will be chosen by random.org on December 21, 2012.  No purchase is necessary to win =)

Housecleaning

We just received news that the organic fabrics that we'll be using for our Eco Art Wear Collection to be showcased on the runway during 2013 Baltimore FashionWeek have shipped.

Yep ... they're on their way!

Beautifully amazing textiles from Harmony Art Organics.

It's all I can do not to recreate that old Mervyn's commercial ...

you know ... the one where the woman's face is pressed against the glass and she's saying "open.  open.  open."

except in my case, I'll be the one with my face pressed up against the living room window, scouring the streets with eyes like glazed donuts, quietly repeating over and over "U.P.S.  U.P.S.  U.P.S."

Patience is supposed to be a virtue ... I don't have any.

And I'm okay with that  =)

I order to be patient, I need to fill my time with other things ...

like making stuff ...

and spiffing up the website ...

and organizing ...

yep.  cleaning.

Gotta make room for those 110" wide cotton fabrics that will be here by the 1st.

and today seems a pretty good day to do it!

What do you do to pass the time while you're waiting for something else to happen or arrive?

Our Main Ingredient is Love!

We are currently directing the company into having a more ecologically aware and environmentally friendly product base ... changes such as these will take time to blossom into something incredibly amazing ... and we won't be excluding anyone with the new direction of our clothing designs. We will always be searching for the best possible options in materials from which to create our products for our customers.

Our raincoats & umbrellas will continue to be a staple product until a better material is available from which to create them. In fact, our entire 2012 clothing line was sourced from 100% cotton, organic knits, or bamboo/cotton blend fabrics. Not a single textile was synthetic ... already a positive ecological footprint.  Over the course of the next few years, we will be switching over our fabrics from the conventional textiles used in our garments to fabrics that are more organic in nature and better for the environment ... better for the people who choose to wear our garments.

That is not to say that the products we currently make are not good for you ... because they are.  The main ingredient which goes into each garment made by Second Star Designs is LOVE ... which is an ingredient that you won't find in any big box store ... and an ingredient that turns any negative vibration or aspect of the materials used into one that is positive ... one that you will love just as much as we do!

As we move into 2013 we will continue to create those products which you have come to know and love ... improving them as we are able, at a price that is reasonable for everyone ... and wrapping them up with a generous sprinkling of Love ♥

Harmony Art Organics & Second Star Pair up for Baltimore FashionWeek 2013

We're pretty excited around here ... okay, over-the-moon excited!!!

First off ... we've been invited back to participate in 2013 Baltimore FashionWeek.  With two collections.

That's right ... TWO!!!

Riley Blake Designs will be returning as a sponsor for our children's clothing line with their incredibly brilliant cotton fabrics & laminates.

Our second collection will feature an entire line of clothing designs for grown-ups ... created entirely of organic and eco-friendly materials.

Harmony Art Organic Designs has graciously accepted our sponsorship offer ... incredible fabrics from an incredible company that is doing all the right things with regard to making a difference in changing the world.

Only a month home from showcasing on the runway our 2012 collection ... and already, we're gearing up for 2013.

More collections ... and hopefully, more showcases at one or two more FashionWeek events.
It's just the beginning ... the future is the brightest star in the sky!


If you're interested in participating as a sponsor of Second Star Designs for 2013 ... or know of anyone who might be, please send us a message ... we'd love to talk with you!

~C

Why all the fuss about Laminated Cottons?

rolls & rolls of laminated cotton fabrics

Recently, we released a line of rainwear and umbrellas on the runway during Baltimore FashionWeek, created from an amazing new fabric called Laminated Cotton, provided to us by Riley Blake Designs.

Our designs were very, very well received by all those who attended FashionWeek.

We were asked a number of questions, including:

    "what do you use for these products?"
    "how are these different from regular raincoats and umbrellas?"
    "you can put these in the dryer?  really?"
    "is this new fabric safe for children?"
    "how are these products better than what we already can buy in the stores?"

So ... for all of those not familiar with the new Laminated Cotton fabrics ... which, by the way, beats hands-down the vinyl products found in stores around the world ... I am providing you with a few details.

Laminated Cotton:

• PVC-free
• BPA-free
• Lead-free
• Slight sheen
• Waterproof and easy to clean
• Edges do not fray
• CPSIA compliant - this is a biggie!

Laminated cotton is a high quality cotton sheeting with a thin layer of polyurethane film adhered to the right side of the fabric. It's soft and has a very nice hand to it, it drapes very nicely and it even does gathers well!  It allows the cotton fabric to "breathe", while keeping moisture away from whatever is on the inside.  This fabric makes great baby bibs, raincoats, umbrellas, shower curtains, tablecloths, splat mats, diaper bags, food packaging products, and so much more.

The rain products currently found in stores are created using a polyurethane vinyl for the outer shell.  Most linings are created from polyester or polyester-blend fabrics.  Polyester does not allow the skin to breathe as easily as natural fibers do.  The vinyl outer lining rarely allows for your coat or pants to be tossed into the dryer.

Yes, products made using Laminated Cottons will cost more than what you've been used to buying in stores.  The offset to this is that you can toss your garments in the washing machine & dryer ... and your clothing will last longer than clothing made from vinyl.  You are more likely to hand down clothing made from Laminated Cotton instead of sending it to your local thrift store or throwing it away.

Laminated Cotton products are the fashionable future for rainwear and umbrellas, home decorating, and all kinds of wonderful products that are safe for your children.

~ C

The Name Game

With the dust from 2012 Baltimore FashionWeek still settling around our machines, we've been trying to come up with a name for next year's collection.  You see ... we've been asked to showcase next year ... and instead of just children's clothing, we'll be adding an entire line of eco-friendly clothing ... for grown-ups.

Two collections.

30+ total "looks".

And with consideration for the grown-up line of clothing, we've selected a name for that collection ...

Eco Art Wear

Sounds pretty cool!

We might just use the same name for both collections and just add "for kids" at the end of the second line.

Because it's cool enough for both ... and with the new name, design ideas are just falling out of my head.

Literally.

Now ... all I need is the fabric to put these clothing lines together.

Can't wait to get started!!!

~ C

Quitting Smoking & Facing Fears - Day 1

After 35 years, Kelly has decided to quit smoking.
Yay!!!  I applaud him for tackling a habit that is ever so difficult to overcome.

I still smoke ... and have for 16 years.  Quit twice even.
And while I support every aspect of his decision, I am angry.
For many, many reasons.
Reasons which may be considered to be quite selfish ... and in a way, they are.

For starters, this is much like what happened a year ago, when he decided to turn vegetarian.  And because I would rather go along with the majority, because we have a relationship in which I no longer have to do 100% of the cooking, within 30 days, I too was vegetarian.
Yep.  No more meat.  Fish maybe twice or three times a month ... but otherwise, no meat.

But this endeavor is a little different ... okay, a lot different.

For starters, he's been about as useful around the house as tits on a nun today.
Sorry if that offends you.

I've been yelled at because the kids irritated him.  He took them to the park today, so I could nap ... for that, I am appreciative.

The dishes were done and the kitchen cleaned.  Twice.  By me.
I awoke from a nap ... to be yelled at for the left over mess from the dying we did today ... that he did today.  That prompted kitchen clean-up #2, at which point I discovered that he'd left the gas stove on - he thought he'd turned it off and instead, had turned it to low so that there was only gas coming out and no flame ... and argued with me about it.  


The gardens hadn't been watered.  That took almost 2 hours.

The kids were starving.  No grocery shopping done.
For the first time in over a year, I had to figure out how to create a meal from what I was able to locate in the cupboards.  A meal that the kids would actually eat.

I have a deadline in 21 days ... and another that is past due by 3 months ...
and not once today have I been able to sit down in the studio to get things done that need to be done.
Until now ... 10:30pm.  And the chicken coop still needs to be locked up for the night.

He has the support and cheerleading team of close to 900 non-smoking friends.
I have the "suck it up honey ... you should be proud of what he's doing."
Fuck that.

I have the memories of an old relationship wherein I had to always make sure that my hands were washed, teeth brushed, and clothes changed because the guy didn't like the smell of smoke.  I have the residual lectures of the hazards of smoking and how this guy's parents used to smoke in the car while they were traveling, with the windows rolled up tight, two children coughing in the back seat.  I have the echoing voice of someone telling they'd marry me in a second ... if only I'd quit smoking.

Figured I'd cross that bridge when I decided it was time to do so ... not before.
I would quit for me ... not anyone else.

And I am afraid that that decision will be taken away from me ... that a point in time will arrive when I will have to choose between a habit that I may not be ready to relinquish ... and the man that I love.
And for those of you who are shaking your heads, saying to yourself "well, the choice should be obvious" ... let me simply tell you that much like the parenting advice given by people who have never had children, you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about ... and please take your preaching of close-minded opinions back to the rock from under which you've crawled.  I'm not interested in what you have to say.

Day 1 is almost over ... will see what Day 2 has to offer.

I'm optimistic ... and terrified all at the same time.

Destroying Innocence

It starts out innocent enough ...

A little boy about the same age as your two daughters, moves in across the street.  Your daughters welcome the new friend to the neighborhood ... someone excitingly new with whom to play ... who doesn't live so far away that a parent is needed to shuttle them to and fro.

A friendship develops between your daughters and this little boy.  A really cool friendship that involves video games on a big screen TV, candy, soda, and all the foods that your daughters don't get to eat at home because they're processed foods with loads of chemicals and other yucky stuff.

The boy's Dad is pretty cool too.  He hands out money.

Your daughters are children of a broken relationship; their father left when they were quite small.  Your oldest daughter starves for attention from a "Daddy figure".  Their father rarely spends any actual time with them ... his life without children takes precedence over his generous visitation rights.

The girls' Mother has remarried, but with a total of 5 children in the newly-formed family, Dad's attention is at a premium ... there is no lack of love, but there IS competition for his attention with those children who were his to begin with.

Your daughters begin spending oodles of their free time over at the new friend's house ... having dinner, playing games, drinking soda, and coming home with a dollar every now and again so they can go buy cheap toys at the local drugstore.

A month passes ... you eventually discover the name of the boy's Dad.  You also discover that the little boy is only there on weekends; he lives with his Mother during the week.

Odd ... since your daughters are over at the house almost every day.

As a parent, a small alert pops off in your head ... so you ask your daughters why they go over when the little boy is not there.  And you are told that there are video games on a big screen TV that they don't have to share with 3 other kids, there's candy and soda and ice cream, there's dinner with things they don't eat at home because their family is mainly vegetarian ... and there's a dollar for each of them whenever they ask for one.

Understanding that your older daughter is starving for Dad-attention and considering that the boy's Dad maybe misses having his son with him during the week, enjoys having children in the house, you don't give it a second thought ... you give it the benefit of the doubt.

Until your older daughter becomes moody ... and quiet ... and sullen.

This last Friday, my younger daughter comes home crying ... her sister had pushed her out into the crosswalk, in front of a moving car, with the words "how would you like to die" ringing in her ears.

On Monday, five dollars shows up, clenched in the fist of an angry girl.  A jealous little sister spills the beans to my husband.

When asked about it, my older daughter tells him that the little boy's Dad gave it to her.  When asked "why?", my husband is met with silence ... pressing the question is followed by a storming through the house, slamming doors in her wake ... awaking me from a nap.

Her sister comes barreling in the bedroom ... and I am told about the five dollars and it was a trade with the little boy's Dad for a $20.

$20?!?!?!  Where did $20 come from???

My stomach sinks ... I head off to find answers.

Before going into my daughter's room, I have two stories from two different perspectives.  I enter her room, sit down on the bed, and quietly ask about the $20.

I am told that the boy's Dad had given it to her.  I explain that $20 is a lot of money ... that I didn't quite believe the story that she was trying to tell me.  She gets quiet.

Getting nowhere fast, I ask about the five ... and am told that the boy's Dad gave her the five when she gave back the $20.  Gave back???  That indicates that the money was stolen.

Still meeting sullen silence, I explain that so far, there were three stories ... and none of them matched.  With the details that I knew, I gave her MY story:  she was playing over at the boy's house and sees a wallet on the coffee table or kitchen counter with money in it.  She takes the money, thinking he won't miss it because there are so many in there and he's always giving her money, anyway.  Her sister finds out and threatens to tell Mom, for which she's pushed out into the crosswalk, with a threat that if she tells Mom, she will die.  The magnitude of stealing money eats at her over the weekend, causing tummy aches and general misery.  On Monday, she decides to give it back ... which she does, asking for five dollars in return.

I finish my version of the story, letting her know that she will be ungrounded from her room when she decides to tell me the TRUE story.  I take the five dollars from her, explaining that keeping the five was the same as when she stole the $20.  Half an hour later, she comes to me, ready to tell me her story.

What I guessed to have happened was pretty darned close ... expect for one minor detail:  the wallet was in his closet. When I ask "what closet", I am told "his bedroom closet".  When I ask what she was doing in his bedroom, I am quietly told that he carried her there to tickle her ... that he did this more than just once.

With a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, I realize that you have to tread very carefully with questions at this point ... remaining calm at all costs, or you run the risk of scaring the child into a mentally locked door from which no answers or memories ever return.

Reassuring her that she is loved and that Mommy will not get angry at her story, I continue with asking her if he ever did anything that made her feel either uncomfortable or "bad" inside.  I am told that he once answered the door wearing only shorts, no underwear, with his "privates" hanging out ... and that she ran in fear.  She tells me that he has only tickled her ... nothing more.

And with a breaking heart, I wrap her up in my arms and simply hold her ... holding back tears and sadness and the surfacing of a few memories of my own.

She is okay.  We were able to stop something before it got out of hand and did terrible damage.

I am another story ... one that I cannot remember ... yet.

A handful of memories of my life before the age of 6, when my family moved to Washington.  A dusty memory from about the age of 4, showering with my Dad, seeing his "privates".  A disturbing memory from about the age of 10:  on vacation at my Aunt & Uncle's house, sleeping in my cousin's room on the floor in sleeping bags, waking up both of my cousins with the words "please don't hurt me, Daddy" uttered from a deep sleep.

That's it ... no other memories.  Just an overwhelming, heart-breaking sadness that allows me to relate to my 8 year old daughter on a level I never knew I had.

Monday ends with her a happier child ... the weight of her secret is now off of her shoulders.

Tuesday, following a hunch, I discover that the little boy's Dad was convicted in 1993 for 1st degree sexual abuse and again in 1994 for third degree rape.  The National Registry for Sexual Offenders does not indicate if these convictions involved children.

With this information, my husband & I walk over to his house with an apology for my daughter stealing the $20 and a return of the five dollars.  He brushes it off and says that "it's no big deal".  I then give him the explanation that our children will never be allowed over at his house.  Ever.  He is shocked.  Protests.  I explain that I did not approve of his behavior toward the children.  His response of  "but ... I fed them ... and let them play video games ... and gave them money ... and ..." was met with my response that I appreciated those particular things that he did for the girls ... but that his taking of my daughter into his bedroom for the purpose of tickling was inappropriate behavior and not tolerated.  Ever.

No remorse.  No apology.  Just a "fine" and a closing of the door as we walked away.

We've slain the dragons found in one little girl's world ... it's time to find the others and flush them out.

And they'll either surface the easy way ... or the hard way.
Either way, their time for hiding is over ... it's time for the fears to be faced and released ...
so I can move forward in a healthier frame of mind.

Cinnabon-Style Organic Cinnamon Rolls

Yield: 12 large buns

Ingredients:

Dough

1 (1/4 ounce) package dry yeast [or 2 tsp organic dry yeast]

1 cup warm whole milk

1/2 cup raw organic sugar

1/3 cup organic, unsalted butter

1 teaspoon sea salt

2 large eggs

3 1/4 cups organic flour [wheat or spelt]

Filling

1 cup light brown organic sugar

3 tablespoons ground cinnamon

1/3 cup butter

Method:

• For the rolls, dissolve the yeast in the warm milk in a large bowl.
• Add sugar, margarine salt, eggs, and flour, mix well.
• Knead the dough into a large ball, using your hands dusted lightly with flour.
• Put in a bowl, cover and let rise in a warm place about 1 hour or until the dough has doubled in size.
• Roll the dough out on a lightly floured surface, until it is approx 21 inches long by 16 inches wide.
• It should be approx 1/4 thick.
• To make filling, combine the brown sugar and cinnamon in a bowl.
• Spread the softened margarine over the surface of the dough, then sprinkle the brown sugar and cinnamon evenly over the surface, leaving about 1″ untouched around edges.
• Gently roll into a fairly tight roll, trying to keep the filling inside.
• With a sharp knife, slice into 12 pieces.
• Place on parchment lined cookie sheet about 2″ apart, cover with lint-free cloth, and let rise for another hour.
• Bake in 400 degree on rack just above centre, for about 10 minutes, or until light golden brown.
• Cool on cooling rack and gently place into airtight container when cool.

Cream Cheese Frosting

Cream Cheese Frosting

Amount	Measure	Ingredient and Preparation Method
4	oz	Organic Cream Cheese (0.25 lb)
1/2	Cup	Butter (0.25 lb, i.e. 1 stick)
1 3/4	Cup	Organic Powdered Sugar (1/2 lb)
1	tsp	Organic Vanilla Extract
1/8	tsp	Organic Lemon Extract

There are several steps involved in the preparation of the frosting. But it is not difficult, and you'll be surprised at the wonderful results you achieve.  A total of 50 minutes is required to prepare the frosting, from start to finish. We normally prepare the frosting while the rolls are rising.

Remove the cream cheese and margarine from the refrigerator and place it into the mixing bowl. Leave it for about half an hour so that it will not be too cold.

Use the Flat Beater (or Paddle) to blend the cream cheese and margarine for 6 minutes. Use a "slow mixing" speed on your machine. 

Switch to the Stainless Steel Whip and whip the cream cheese and margarine mixture for 10 minutes. Use a "medium fast whipping" speed on your machine. 

Add 1 cup of the powdered sugar and mix for 1 minute using the Stainless Steel Whip at the slow mixing speed. Add the remaining 3/4 cup of powdered sugar and mix for an additional minute.

Lastly, add the Vanilla and Lemon extracts and whip for 1 minute using the Stainless Steel Whip at medium fast speed.

*photo courtesy of Sweetapolita.com*