See the beauty that is in yourself, others, and your surroundings even when things are not perfect. Find your rhythm and glide upon the waves of Life.
I have to admit, this card left me a bit befuddled this morning when I drew it.
You see ... last night, Jocelyn made the decision to move out ... away from home and in to the home of her dearest friend.
You see ... last night, Jocelyn made the decision to move out ... away from home and in to the home of her dearest friend.
How does a parent ... a person ... respond or react to that?
Don't get me wrong ... there is a long history of unhappiness when it comes to her and the blending of two families over the course of the last three years. The stories are many ... and they are not all mine to tell.
We are not a "perfect" family ... we are a family filled with love and joy, challenges and tears ... we are a messy family. Quite possibly the very best kind.
But Jocelyn hasn't been happy being part of a messy family.
Her preference is a nice house in the 'burbs ... money to spend without question on whatever strikes her fancy that particular day ... not having to vie with four other siblings for the attention of either one or the other parent.
There's more to this whole story ... so many undercurrents and sidetracks, it could easily turn in to a miniseries. But the bottom line is that Jocelyn made a choice nearly two years ago to be unhappy while living in this house. Unhappiness with Jocelyn can easily lead toward friction within the family ... usually between her and I. Friction allows her to justify her continued feelings of unhappiness ... it also supports stories that she has created about how the stepmother does not love her and wants her gone from the home. It has been a difficult living situation.
Jocelyn is happiest when she stays with her best friend. She is then the middle of three daughters. Her wants and needs are completely satisfied ... without question. She has always expressed the desire to live with this family ... in both times of jest and times of stress.
Last night, she made the "I'll just move out" statement ... to which her Dad pretty much said "if that's what you want to do, I'm okay with that" ... to which I responded with "running away from your problems does not solve them, sometimes they need to be faced".
We were up late last night, discussing the evening's events ... loudly ... angrily ... so very many words shared, filled with hurt and remorse. So much history brought to the surface ... to be loved and cleared.
We thought a night's sleep would allow her a change in choices made during the heat of anger.
Nope. She finished packing boxes this morning. She was picked up before noon. We spoke with the parents of the best friend ... we are playing this all by ear right now.
We didn't yell at Jocelyn for the choice that she made ... we honored it. We didn't ground her to her room for the next month ... which may have been what she wanted for us to do, because that would prove to her that she was "wanted" ... that she was loved.
We told her that we loved her ... because isn't that really what we're supposed to do as parents to our children ... to guide them toward being able to make their own decisions, their own choices ... to simply love them, despite how messy it all becomes? As parents, we cannot make our children happy ... we cannot make our children love themselves as much as we love them ... we cannot even make them like any single part of the whole ... we can only love them enough to allow them the freedom to make their own decisions, regardless of the potential outcomes we as parents have already experienced.
And whether they are six days shy of being 15 or they are over 40, our children deserve all of the love that we have to give ... without question ... loving the choices they are choosing to make ... and hoping that we've taught them enough that they are able to eventually discover just how much we really do love them, even when we didn't agree with the choices they made.
Elegance is the troubled youth that believes the grass is greener on the other side of the fence ... it is found in the muck just below the surface of a lily pond ... it is allowing yourself to gloriously feel every emotion as it washes through you ... it is your smile as she moves the last box into the trunk of a waiting car when you'd rather just curl up in a corner and cry ... it is learning how to recognize that the choices other people make are not your responsibility ... it is in choosing not to be a victim of your circumstances.
There is peace in our home.
And I hope that Jocelyn, who single-handedly managed to manifest her version of a Perfect Life, is finally happy.
xoxoxo
xoxoxo
